Life at 27
Running around wild and wanting, my thoughts that is, to be committed to page. So here they are, gushing streams of thought about life at such an age.
1. my forehead. It wrinkles more than ever. So I start buying goop in jars. I wonder if the goop has transformative powers or if, at face value, it is what it is, and I am what I am. Goop + 27.
2. I still exclaim though--with wide! expressive! incredulous! eyes. With eyebrows raised to kingdom come, wrinkling the brow, to emphasize my wows and omgs and are you seriouses. Because, exclaiming is fun. Exclaiming is human nature. So is aging. Fun + human nature.
3. Weddings. There were 8 this year, 7 for next, and still counting. Collectively that is 15 white dresses and 30 hearts shared and hundreds of eyes shedding tears, and 1 forehead waving its flag of surrender because joy and exclaims and laugh lines.
4. Grandmas in dresses. I love grandmas in dresses. At weddings, at church, crossing the street or at Meijer. Grandmas wear what they want when they want to. Grandmas know comfort. Grandmas have swagger.
5. Neck scarves. I wore them for most of my 26th year, and the collection has steadily grown with another turn about the sun. I find them chic. They match my loafers. They're lady-like.
6. Lady-like. I found myself ridiculed for saying this. I will continue to say it. What does it mean to be a feminist anyway? Can't I be both? Can't I lean in, burn my bra, and be decent and pure and lady-like?
7. Cognitive dissonance. Uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time. To burn or not to burn?
8. Probably burning rubber. Drew and I have logged many a mile in the trusty scion this summer. Only one ticket. The other, negotiated.
9. Road picnics. Something he does best. Open the cooler to find everything you ever dreamed of needing. Apple slices. Lime juice to preserve them.
10. La Croix. An acquired taste. Or lack of taste, whichever.
11. Stevie Nicks. A reminder came in the form of formal correspondence. It read, "you've been on the edge of seventeen for ten years strong!" To which I died just a little...
12. The clouds never expect it when it rains/ But the sea changes colors/ but the sea does not change/ and so with the slow graceful flow of age/ I went forth...
13. The sun. This made the list but I imagine it always will, won't it? I learned about Chicago henge, when the sun aligns itself perfectly with the city grid and we call it Autumn Equinox. And we stare and try to capture it, and I imagine some day we will, won't we?
14. God winks. We call it coincidence. Or chance. Give it no further thought.
15. The Purple Line. I'm always singing its praises. It gets me door to door in less than 20 minutes. It's never late but sometimes I am.
16. Speaking of purple. I splurged. On sale, but still a splurge. I bought a purple coat. I could have gone with classic black. Instead i went majestic. She's a little cutie.
17. Today the street smells like Lucky Charms.
18. Sometimes I feel guilty about loving the city. I think about home. Daisy petals. (see also, 7).
19. I daydream. About being 37 and my kids' names.
20. Today though. Today I'm content. My heart beats wholly in tact. It beats because he made steak dinner Sunday night. Just because. And ice cream. And we shared trivial tasks like washing the dishes.
21. Pollyanna. She played The Glad Game. She dreamt about Steak + Ice cream. I dream about the things that make me. I think Pollyanna must be part of that.
22. This year I'll spend money on lattes and barre class but sleep on a futon and fly budget airlines.
23. Company I keep. I wonder about this chapter of life and the friends I've not yet met. The friends that used to carry me that now I hardly know.
24. "Pardon." I don't know where this came from, but I started saying it.
25. Enneagrams. Meyers Briggs. INFP. Do I trap myself inside these letters? Do these letters change with the company I keep? See 12.
26. I woke up at 26, and ran two miles. I didn't do that this year. Instead, I ate a scone. And probably pizza, cold, from atop my perch on the counter. Lipstick on my teeth. Shoot. Am I getting better with age? See 1. Or 4.
27. dos siete. a charming playlist he made when it was all wrong with a good intention of being right.
Veintisiete. Things are right. Aligned, where they were meant to be. See also, 14.